Thursday, April 12, 2007

Private Dancer: A Dancer for Money

And Jon stripped for them. Not so much in private, as he was standing on one of the beer hall picnic tables as the crowd swayed and sang, but very much with "private eyes".

The good news is he was clean and smooth all over, like a newborn mouse.

Elena, who is not in fact Brazilian, had given him one of her very special "wax three ways" jobs just a few days before: long enough ago that any unsightly swelling might have subsided.

She starts with a traditional bees wax "slap 'n' pull" and follows with quick application of watermelon flavoured Fruit Rollups - a tasty paraffin based fruity treat both soothing to the skin, highly nutritious, and bizarrely erotic.

Then, she drapes a broad silk cloth across the area(s) and neatly places three dozen votive tea candles in a pattern that tends to look like the Greek character of Pi. The subtle scents of chamomile, lavender, and lawn clippings fill the room and Elena, with a final dramatic flourish, pulls the silk covering out from under the candles - the classic tablecloth trick. The candles burn to completion while he snoozes and all the while his distressed pores are flushed of any last root-matter.

Needless to say, the German waiters appreciated a powdery soft grundle as much as anyone, so Jon was a huge hit. Plus he smells like crushed peaches.